How to Change Your Spouse
1. You’re starting at the wrong place. Start with you.
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 NLT
“Even if they succeed in bringing about some change, it comes with deep resentment on the part of the spouse.” – Gary Chapman, Home Improvements, p.6.
2. Ask for outside help. Talk to...
God.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! ...see if there be any grievous way in me… Psalm 139:23-24a ESV
Friends and Family.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted... Proverbs 27:6 NIV
Your spouse.
...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19 NIV
3. Confess to your spouse where you have been wrong. Ask for forgiveness.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16 NAS
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Hebrews 13:4 NIV
4. Shift out of ego-centric living back into love (meeting someone else’s needs) through 3 questions.
When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others. Philippians 2:3-4 NCV
1. How may I help you?
2. What can I do to make your life easier?
3. How can I be a better spouse to you?
5. Make no more than one request to your spouse to change a week.
The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction. Proverbs 16:23 NIV
Ask “is this a good time to make a request of you? If not, I can wait.
Precede your request with 3 genuine compliments.
Make the request and do not add an overdose of criticism to it.
Here are 3 things I like that you do (or did) and one thing I’d like you to change
“…a time to be silent, a time to speak..” Ecclesiastes 3:7 NAS
Message Notes: The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, New International Version, English Standard Version, New American Standard, 1995, New Century Version. Home Improvements, by Gary Chapman.